In my studies this week one of the verses that I pondered comes from Matthew 10:27. Which says,
“What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the rooftops for all to hear!”
I am grateful that God speaks to us in the darkness. The following thoughts came out of a dark night of the soul. Lifted from the pages of my journal and now in cyberspace for all to see. As I write I can feel God’s healing hand massaging a balm into my heart and I am able to breathe. Stepping out of the shadows and into the Light stirs up hope in my soul. And I pray that these words can also awaken your spirit so you can shout when your daybreak comes.
My heart is like a mirror that’s been shattered and pieced back together with duct tape and a wish.
That’s the word echoing in the chambers of my heart. Deep soul wounding pain spreading like a virus throughout my body.
I can’t even remember the day it began. Some days it feels like I was born hurting. The shards of my heart have been crying out for decades demanding healing, retribution, justice, wholeness, and redemption.
The fragments have craved and sought after full restitution for every loss. Demand after soul splintering demand have strangled all hope for a better life.
Over thinking. Doubting. Fearful.
The world around me is viewed through an out of focus lens. My spiritual growth has been held hostage awaiting payback. I get freedom in one area only to discover three more areas of bondage decided to spring up. Is this warfare? Or is this the Holy Spirit revealing the areas that still need attention? In time I realize that it is God declaring His love for me. He loves me so much that He doesn’t want me to be paralyzed by strongholds. So as I’m ready He prompts the next layer that needs healing to reveal itself. Prayer after prayer, dark night after dark night, with each sigh of the soul I get closer to understanding what is going on and why I have felt stuck.
Finally after a time of worship I awaken to the realization that I suffer the weight of an underlying belief that God owes me something. A thought that I’ve never acknowledged but somehow has followed me out of childhood and throughout my adult life.
God owing me? Such a ridiculous thought! God has no debts.
I am aware that thoughts like that are part of a scheme, nothing more than a strategy that can be used by the enemy to create cords around my mind (belief systems) that keep me in bondage.
Wholeheartedly and yet ever so slowly I hand over each fragment of my heart, soul, and mind to Him. I don’t want to fail in reaching the potential that I was designed for. I no longer want to meditate on hurts or offenses.
I chose to stop battling my circumstances and stand up to fight back against my true enemy.
God took on flesh and came to earth. There is a bloodline that has covered all the sins done to me and those committed by me. Praise and thanksgiving are due Him for His work on the cross. The sacrifice of Jesus paid my debts. His blood is priceless and yet He chose to spill it for me. He chose to sacrifice His life for each one of us so that we could have full lives.
He chose to overcome the world so that we could overcome all evil in the world. Nothing has the power to overtake us when we chose to act on the fullness of His spirit at work in us.
We may stumble, we may struggle, but we will overcome by faith. In 1 John 5:4 His word says, “every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.” Every child of God is what it declares. That includes me and you.
Pain cannot steal what God has promised! Victory is a promise. Overcoming is a promise. Healing is a promise. The reward of eternity is a promise. Pain here on earth cannot snatch any of His promises from our hands. Give Him the fragments of your heart and let Him piece them back together with strength of His grace!